Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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