I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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