....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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