she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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