I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
