but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
where are my eyebrows?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
