Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just pee around me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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