Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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