Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
