You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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