The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
