So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
