you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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