I could have mohawked her pubes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
