oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
whose parrot is this?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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