every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
