I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
