The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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