i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
