i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
