My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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