She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
