i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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