??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
