it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
