Banned from zoo.
Again?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
