Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
