well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize