Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
