Do you still have your period?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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