just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize