i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They took my balls.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
