wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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