Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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