i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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