Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
