but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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