dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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