never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
