I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
