You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
