R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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