I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
