I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Never underestimate the power of titties
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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