the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
