I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
