birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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