He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
