At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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