How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
