capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
