i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
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It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
please don't ironically join a cult
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