Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize