I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
where am i from again
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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