she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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