i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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