Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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