I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize