i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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