You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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