I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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