i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
