i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
